Throughout our life we meet people, some people are are good, some people are bad...no matter what they affect us. I met someone over 20 years ago and he became a very close friend. Every night we drove into the DFW area where we knew someone who had bought some old storefront spaces and converted it into a punk bar..Three bucks and B.Y.O.B and we had a blast and once the cops realised we weren't going to tear things up they left us alone. The bands would play..Lickity Split, Cro-mags, Toadies. We spent more time moshing up and down the floor, round and round, whirling fists, leather jackets, spikes, but no one got hurt..very few times did fights break out and they were settled quickly and the fun started up again. And I was usually in the middle of it I was little for my age but I had a knack for picking a fight..I won more that I lost. But that is not this story......during all of this there was a great guy who was a close friend he pulled my butt out of the fire more often than not and saved me from making bad mistakes. We freaking did everything together. He got married and had a great kid ..problem was he was an addict..Tony and I partied alllll the time..I got him started. Problem with that I eventually got myself pulled together..I moved away, saw him only here and there over the next 20 years, he lost everything, job, family, son barely knows who he was. Little over a year I got a call from him telling me he was sorry, and that was the last I heard for a couple of days. I got a letter later, this was the last I would hear from him. Tony violated his parole and was going to be a third strike, he chose to not go back in. By the time I got the letter Tony was dead, he decided that an OD'd do it..I just hope it was painless. I remember him to this day, he grew up around hunters, he knew guns in and out, but never used them to do bad things, he drew like no one I ever knew. He drew his wife the most gorgeous portrait in Black and white that looked like it could step off the page and dance, he had a wicked sense of humor...I actually saw him get a nun to laugh until she had tears running down her face once. I saw him give a vagrant who was covered with newspapers his flannel shirt and tshirt under that and slip the guy a 20.00. I also saw him after weeks of shooting up, shaking, vomiting, delusional and begging for a hit. ..eventually I had to get away from it for my health and sanity. And he never forgot that in his letter he left he reminded me how it was my fault...I ruined him...and I left him when I had enough...I got my life together and he was left in the void...he hated me, he disowned me, said my name would never cross his lips ever again.
They didn't, he was dead hours after that. I blamed myself, I cried, I hurt, I felt worthless, this was over a year ago...it still hurts, you feel the regret. That little voice...could I have done more? could I have tried harder? maybe I could have but nothing would have changed, he would still be dead and I would still miss him horribly.
I am reminded of this quote "Accept life, and you must accept regret."-Henri Frederic Amiel.
So I accept this life and I accept the regret, the tears, the pain...and I learn.
I miss you Tony and I am sorry for you, I hope it is better now.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
My Father
On the eve of my birthday I started considering something. People celebrate you coming into the world , but you know the celebration should be for the parents who brought you in to this world. There are numerous situations where children grown up, with or without parents, good houses, bad houses, nurturing, non-nurturing. Me I was lucky I grew up in a house with two loving parents. They were smart, caring, nosy (as any good parent should ), and wiser than I gave them credit for. My mother was a rock..dealing with four boys and the nonsense that goes with that...those of you who question this have never seen the apocalyptic mess they can create. She was Referee, Cook, Teacher, Caregiver, and Nurse. and I know we all loved her for it. But I am going to write more about her later..here I want to write about:
DAD--He is amazingly smart, brilliant, strict, loving , would give his shirt off his back...There is an example I think of we were one a family picnic once, I of course was being the petulant teen, but there was a man who obviously was down on his luck looking thru the garbage for food. Dad stopped, took the sandwich that he was going to eat and some chips and a drink and walked over and gave them to this man. It was probably the first "meal" he had eaten in days, that stuck with me over the years. I was a troubled teen, did a lot of things I shouldn't have, caused a lot of problems and fights, and almost every single one of them were directed at my father. I poured every ounce of vitriol out that I had on this man, and he NEVER gave up on me. When most parents would have turned and ran, he tried harder and harder. He did everything to give me the opportunities to succeed and when I fell he was the one that offered out a hand. And just so you know he did not just hand things to me, I worked for it, he made me do that, and I respect him that much more for it.
It reminds me of something Mark Twain said "When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."
One other fact..this man remarried to my mother, she left the biggest mistake of her life where the only good thing that came out of it was me. But when she remarried to this man, he adopted me, and from day one he has loved me and treated me as his own. And I am his son. It just goes to show that any fool can be a dad and create a baby, but it takes a real man and a loving caring being to be a father.
Dad I know it was tough growing up I understand what you were doing , and I love you for it.
I love you Dad!
DAD--He is amazingly smart, brilliant, strict, loving , would give his shirt off his back...There is an example I think of we were one a family picnic once, I of course was being the petulant teen, but there was a man who obviously was down on his luck looking thru the garbage for food. Dad stopped, took the sandwich that he was going to eat and some chips and a drink and walked over and gave them to this man. It was probably the first "meal" he had eaten in days, that stuck with me over the years. I was a troubled teen, did a lot of things I shouldn't have, caused a lot of problems and fights, and almost every single one of them were directed at my father. I poured every ounce of vitriol out that I had on this man, and he NEVER gave up on me. When most parents would have turned and ran, he tried harder and harder. He did everything to give me the opportunities to succeed and when I fell he was the one that offered out a hand. And just so you know he did not just hand things to me, I worked for it, he made me do that, and I respect him that much more for it.
It reminds me of something Mark Twain said "When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."
One other fact..this man remarried to my mother, she left the biggest mistake of her life where the only good thing that came out of it was me. But when she remarried to this man, he adopted me, and from day one he has loved me and treated me as his own. And I am his son. It just goes to show that any fool can be a dad and create a baby, but it takes a real man and a loving caring being to be a father.
Dad I know it was tough growing up I understand what you were doing , and I love you for it.
I love you Dad!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Questions and Misconceptions
I wonder when we are growing up when do we lose that ability to see past what makes people different? I think some people never lose it and others never have it.
I think back to high school art class. I was different in high school...I had issues but then again what kid growing up doesn't. I had friends that crossed all the groups, I knew jocks, nerds, geeks, wastoids, punks, cowboys...all of them. I never had a problem talking to anyone, in fact some people might say I talked too much. My last year was the toughest I think, I had gone thru some pretty bad shakeups and really had a bleak outlook. It was then that I decided to take an art class...I figured easy "A" and would be no work. I was wrong on both counts. It was one of the classes I did the most work in and it was not easy...fun but not easy at all.
Anyway in this class I met a friend named John..John had cerebral palsy and had been confined to a wheel chair his whole life. He was one of the best artists I probably have ever met. He was funny, kind, caring, talented and never ever said anything bad about anyone. We used to talk girls, movies, trade dirty jokes...things all teen boys do. I remember I was having a hard time with a particular project and he helped even though he had a ton of things he had to do himself. That was just the kind of guy he was, in a way it was because of him that when I moved and went to college I enrolled in the art department, always tyring new things visual arts, art with light, different styles of painting, drawing, trying sculpture even though never doing that before. I found I had a passion for it, in fact in my first two years I was in 2 private gallery shows, and in three invitational ones at school. I had found something I loved by accident. but those are always the best accidents in life. You stumble across something you never would have thought of and find not only do you have the passion for it but you have the talent. And I never would have found this if not for that one friend.
John was a good guy and he was ostracized by some because of his disability..he would joke that he was excluding them because they didn't have the guts to hang like he did. He moved past his disability and unlocked the art that went thru his head and tried to give it to the world. I want to thank him for that, but I won't. Not because I don't want to but because I can't.
John died a few years ago, he didn't get to have the family most of us have set out to build. He cared and he loved and like any other guy we knew would try to be the first to point out the hot girl walking by in the hall. To a lot of people who saw him he was someone limited and could not do half of what we could, but me I saw past that and he was limitless, and realise even though he only lived half as long as we did, he lived more life than most of us ever will.
I think back to high school art class. I was different in high school...I had issues but then again what kid growing up doesn't. I had friends that crossed all the groups, I knew jocks, nerds, geeks, wastoids, punks, cowboys...all of them. I never had a problem talking to anyone, in fact some people might say I talked too much. My last year was the toughest I think, I had gone thru some pretty bad shakeups and really had a bleak outlook. It was then that I decided to take an art class...I figured easy "A" and would be no work. I was wrong on both counts. It was one of the classes I did the most work in and it was not easy...fun but not easy at all.
Anyway in this class I met a friend named John..John had cerebral palsy and had been confined to a wheel chair his whole life. He was one of the best artists I probably have ever met. He was funny, kind, caring, talented and never ever said anything bad about anyone. We used to talk girls, movies, trade dirty jokes...things all teen boys do. I remember I was having a hard time with a particular project and he helped even though he had a ton of things he had to do himself. That was just the kind of guy he was, in a way it was because of him that when I moved and went to college I enrolled in the art department, always tyring new things visual arts, art with light, different styles of painting, drawing, trying sculpture even though never doing that before. I found I had a passion for it, in fact in my first two years I was in 2 private gallery shows, and in three invitational ones at school. I had found something I loved by accident. but those are always the best accidents in life. You stumble across something you never would have thought of and find not only do you have the passion for it but you have the talent. And I never would have found this if not for that one friend.
John was a good guy and he was ostracized by some because of his disability..he would joke that he was excluding them because they didn't have the guts to hang like he did. He moved past his disability and unlocked the art that went thru his head and tried to give it to the world. I want to thank him for that, but I won't. Not because I don't want to but because I can't.
John died a few years ago, he didn't get to have the family most of us have set out to build. He cared and he loved and like any other guy we knew would try to be the first to point out the hot girl walking by in the hall. To a lot of people who saw him he was someone limited and could not do half of what we could, but me I saw past that and he was limitless, and realise even though he only lived half as long as we did, he lived more life than most of us ever will.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Stormy Weather
Ok so last night was a rough one. Grayson had a really hard time last night, it is part of the whole cycle. He has some days where it seems like nothing in the world is wrong, but there are other days where for one reason or another things seem to take that deep, dark spiral down. I feel bad for him when this happens. He gets upset so this exacerbates his behaviors, which in turn frustrates him, which then make his tics worse, which then makes him angry that he can't stop, and so on and so on. It can really turn into a trip down a long scary hole some nights for him. Sometimes it seems like the smallest thing sets him off, things you and I may take for granted can be the whole world to him at times like this. It's tough on Shauna and I too, we try to handle it as well as we can, it runs you through the whole gambit of emotions...anger, frustration, sadness, fear..etc. As a parent you find yourself sometimes saying to yourself "Is this my fault?". You know it's not anything you did, but those of you that have children know that as a parent you sometimes feel to blame. I am not by any means perfect, some days I handle things better than others, and after nights like this one I always feel like I am looking at myself saying "What could you have done to handle that better?"
I will always know there is room to improve, there is always room for mistakes, but I have to remember no matter what I am there for him and that if I didn't love my son with all my heart I wouldn't be here would I? That's what love is. Love is not always puffy clouds and rainbows. Love is the storms too, love is knowing you will make those mistakes but there is someone there who will help you pick up and dust off.
I have had people ask me do you regret having Grayson since he has all those problems. I kind of look at them wondering if I actually heard this right. I would never regret having him, I feel bad sometimes for him that he has all these problems, but never once no matter how bad it gets, or how upset I get, would I ever wish I hadn't been down this road. Until you have a child, you just can not understand the depths you would go to.
I will always know there is room to improve, there is always room for mistakes, but I have to remember no matter what I am there for him and that if I didn't love my son with all my heart I wouldn't be here would I? That's what love is. Love is not always puffy clouds and rainbows. Love is the storms too, love is knowing you will make those mistakes but there is someone there who will help you pick up and dust off.
I have had people ask me do you regret having Grayson since he has all those problems. I kind of look at them wondering if I actually heard this right. I would never regret having him, I feel bad sometimes for him that he has all these problems, but never once no matter how bad it gets, or how upset I get, would I ever wish I hadn't been down this road. Until you have a child, you just can not understand the depths you would go to.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Shocked by the STUPIDITY
OK I know it has been a few days, but there is an issue that I have been sitting on. Its one of those things where I am trying to take the advice that my grandfather gave me years ago. "If something makes you mad and you are going to put it in writing, write it out, think about it for a few days, and re-read it, then re-write." He was right, I have written this particular entry out about 5 times and have decided that what is going up, and it will make some people mad, and if it does, GOOD!!!! Then I have done my job, this is something more people should be mad about.
There is an unsettling tendency towards complacency, towards intolerance in this country. Yes we have passed more and more laws allowing equal rights for gay couples, as well we should, they deserve every bit of equality as any heterosexual couple. We have passed more and more stricter laws for hate crimes whether they be against someone for their race, creed, sex, or sexual preference. And to this I say it's about damn time. There is one group though that make me ashamed to be an American white male who was brought up in a Christian household. I am talking about Westboro Baptist Church. They are a radical offshoot of the baptist church, in fact they have gone out of the way to make sure people know they are not part of it. It would seem more like the Baptist church would not want to be associated with this group of ill-mannered, ignorant, bigoted people who say they are praising God. OK but I would like to know where god said to protest outside of funerals with slogans like "God hates F**gs" or outside of Temples saying "God hates Jews".
OK let's break this down...first off for those of you out there that are Christian, no matter what sect i.e:Baptist, Methodist, Catholic, Protestant, etc., please answer this question. Where did Jesus of NAZARETH come from? He came from Judea. What race and religion was Jesus? Jewish. Who killed him? ROMANS..it was a matter of politics. Now if Jesus is God's only begotten son who he loved so that he sent him here to die for people's sins, why would God hate Jews? answer: He DOESN'T. God or as some call him Jehovah, or Yahweh...both of which are not words that originate in English folks...think about it, knew he had to send his son down to be persecuted and what would happen. That is the first thing you learn in church.
Here I find myself wondering why this Westboro church thinks they are some god given mission to tell us to hate.
Try this on for size:
"Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing. For “Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit; let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it." 1 Peter 3:8-11
or how about this from the Quran:
" Worship Allah, and do not associate with Him anything, and be good to parents and to kinsmen and orphans and the needy and the close neighbour and the distant neighbour and the companion at your side and the wayfarer.Surely, Allah does not like those who are arrogant, proud.” (4:36)
or this from the Old Testament:
"A friend owes kindness to one in despair..."Job 6:14.
I have read the Torah, the Old and New Testaments, the Book of Mormon, The Quran, The Bhagavad Gita, and in nowhere in them can I find where we are called on humiliating others, scarring them because of their choices, and killing them. In fact every single one of these great religious texts talks of reaching out for those who are troubled, for helping those who do not have as much as other, being tolerant and forgiving.
Even other religions teach this Pagans and Wiccans believe in "first do no harm" . In the practice of Earth powers you learn to use the energies for good of all..evilness will come back onto you if that is what you put out.
So what I want to know where this "church" and I use that term loosely gets off protesting out side the funerals of slain soldiers coming home from overseas and being met with signs that say "God hates f**s" or "You are going to hell" or the favorite of everyone "God hates America". They protest outside of funerals of the families who lost soldiers in Iraq and the Middle East, with signs like this. Telling the children who just lost a mother, father, brother, uncle, etc, that they are going to hell because the army allows gays and so god hates them. I saw video of a man old enough to be my father tell a child who was already crying because her daddy has just died "Your Daddy is burning in Hell, and God hates him". Big man to tear down a little vulnerable girl. I am not one to disallow some one to speak or strike a man, but if this had been my child, needless to say that old man would be in the hospital. This church BRAGS, actually brags how many protests they have done. They show at funerals for murdered hate crime victims, people who have died from aids (whether there were gay or not, because according to them it's God's judgement against gays). They claim it is alright under the First Amendment for free speech.
Since when is hate mongering and wanting to incite rioting, freedom of speech. They bring children to these rallies and have them desecrate the flag. If they want to do this fine but they should not sit here and sue when people and communities say we don't want you here. This church is as bad as the Neo-Nazi Skinheads of the 80'and 90's, or even the National Socialism of the 40's, better known as the Nazi movement of Germany.
I have friends of all races, colors, religions (christian, pagan, wiccan, etc), preferences ( bi, hetero, gay)...to me I see people. I have friends that are Born again, Atheist, Republican, Democrats, conservative, liberal. I know people who say we need to love everyone, and I know people who want us to take the "shoot 'em all and let God sort 'em out" line. But no matter what they believe and how they think I treat them with respect. I don't agree with them all or even all the time, but remember this, they are people, and they feel, they think, they love, they cry, they hurt.
We are all made of the chemicals, chemicals that make up 90% of the universe (so yes even those that say we are made of stars are right in a way), it is what we teach our fellows and children that make up who and what we are as a world.
So I pose one last question to you:
Do you want a world posed to our children where we attempt to live with each other and help each other out? or do you prefer the world where a young Daughter just celebrated her 5 year old birthday party last month and this month is burying her daddy while someone from some "church" she has never heard of spits on her and tells her that "daddy is in hell"?
Think about it, it is not enough to sit on the couch and watch these atrocities unfold and we look on saying, "oh my, oh dear". No we need to make sure we let our officials know this type of behavior will not be tolerated in our area. If they come, get your neighbors to hold tarps up in front of them to block them from the sight of the families, get friends with loud cars and motorcycles to park outside the pulpit area and when the sermon of hate is being given, rev those engines, blast and thump that bass to drown out the hate. Violence is not needed, and neither are the hatemongers. We can show them in a peaceful, non violent way, they are not needed or wanted.
There is an unsettling tendency towards complacency, towards intolerance in this country. Yes we have passed more and more laws allowing equal rights for gay couples, as well we should, they deserve every bit of equality as any heterosexual couple. We have passed more and more stricter laws for hate crimes whether they be against someone for their race, creed, sex, or sexual preference. And to this I say it's about damn time. There is one group though that make me ashamed to be an American white male who was brought up in a Christian household. I am talking about Westboro Baptist Church. They are a radical offshoot of the baptist church, in fact they have gone out of the way to make sure people know they are not part of it. It would seem more like the Baptist church would not want to be associated with this group of ill-mannered, ignorant, bigoted people who say they are praising God. OK but I would like to know where god said to protest outside of funerals with slogans like "God hates F**gs" or outside of Temples saying "God hates Jews".
OK let's break this down...first off for those of you out there that are Christian, no matter what sect i.e:Baptist, Methodist, Catholic, Protestant, etc., please answer this question. Where did Jesus of NAZARETH come from? He came from Judea. What race and religion was Jesus? Jewish. Who killed him? ROMANS..it was a matter of politics. Now if Jesus is God's only begotten son who he loved so that he sent him here to die for people's sins, why would God hate Jews? answer: He DOESN'T. God or as some call him Jehovah, or Yahweh...both of which are not words that originate in English folks...think about it, knew he had to send his son down to be persecuted and what would happen. That is the first thing you learn in church.
Here I find myself wondering why this Westboro church thinks they are some god given mission to tell us to hate.
Try this on for size:
"Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing. For “Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit; let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it." 1 Peter 3:8-11
or how about this from the Quran:
" Worship Allah, and do not associate with Him anything, and be good to parents and to kinsmen and orphans and the needy and the close neighbour and the distant neighbour and the companion at your side and the wayfarer.Surely, Allah does not like those who are arrogant, proud.” (4:36)
or this from the Old Testament:
"A friend owes kindness to one in despair..."Job 6:14.
I have read the Torah, the Old and New Testaments, the Book of Mormon, The Quran, The Bhagavad Gita, and in nowhere in them can I find where we are called on humiliating others, scarring them because of their choices, and killing them. In fact every single one of these great religious texts talks of reaching out for those who are troubled, for helping those who do not have as much as other, being tolerant and forgiving.
Even other religions teach this Pagans and Wiccans believe in "first do no harm" . In the practice of Earth powers you learn to use the energies for good of all..evilness will come back onto you if that is what you put out.
So what I want to know where this "church" and I use that term loosely gets off protesting out side the funerals of slain soldiers coming home from overseas and being met with signs that say "God hates f**s" or "You are going to hell" or the favorite of everyone "God hates America". They protest outside of funerals of the families who lost soldiers in Iraq and the Middle East, with signs like this. Telling the children who just lost a mother, father, brother, uncle, etc, that they are going to hell because the army allows gays and so god hates them. I saw video of a man old enough to be my father tell a child who was already crying because her daddy has just died "Your Daddy is burning in Hell, and God hates him". Big man to tear down a little vulnerable girl. I am not one to disallow some one to speak or strike a man, but if this had been my child, needless to say that old man would be in the hospital. This church BRAGS, actually brags how many protests they have done. They show at funerals for murdered hate crime victims, people who have died from aids (whether there were gay or not, because according to them it's God's judgement against gays). They claim it is alright under the First Amendment for free speech.
Since when is hate mongering and wanting to incite rioting, freedom of speech. They bring children to these rallies and have them desecrate the flag. If they want to do this fine but they should not sit here and sue when people and communities say we don't want you here. This church is as bad as the Neo-Nazi Skinheads of the 80'and 90's, or even the National Socialism of the 40's, better known as the Nazi movement of Germany.
I have friends of all races, colors, religions (christian, pagan, wiccan, etc), preferences ( bi, hetero, gay)...to me I see people. I have friends that are Born again, Atheist, Republican, Democrats, conservative, liberal. I know people who say we need to love everyone, and I know people who want us to take the "shoot 'em all and let God sort 'em out" line. But no matter what they believe and how they think I treat them with respect. I don't agree with them all or even all the time, but remember this, they are people, and they feel, they think, they love, they cry, they hurt.
We are all made of the chemicals, chemicals that make up 90% of the universe (so yes even those that say we are made of stars are right in a way), it is what we teach our fellows and children that make up who and what we are as a world.
So I pose one last question to you:
Do you want a world posed to our children where we attempt to live with each other and help each other out? or do you prefer the world where a young Daughter just celebrated her 5 year old birthday party last month and this month is burying her daddy while someone from some "church" she has never heard of spits on her and tells her that "daddy is in hell"?
Think about it, it is not enough to sit on the couch and watch these atrocities unfold and we look on saying, "oh my, oh dear". No we need to make sure we let our officials know this type of behavior will not be tolerated in our area. If they come, get your neighbors to hold tarps up in front of them to block them from the sight of the families, get friends with loud cars and motorcycles to park outside the pulpit area and when the sermon of hate is being given, rev those engines, blast and thump that bass to drown out the hate. Violence is not needed, and neither are the hatemongers. We can show them in a peaceful, non violent way, they are not needed or wanted.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
YOUR UNFRIENDLY DRUGSTORE
OK I have a question . We all know Pharmaceutical companies are the big evil. They will wallow in their filth demanding the American consumer bow down and suckle at teat of their poison. Drink the kool aid as it were. OOOOh you say we have been promised health care...sure but you people must realise this is not a right now thing. Here is a breakdown as to what I sacrifice to pharmaceutical gods everymonth:
for my son:beteween his ADHD med, Mood Leveler, and anti Tic med, not to mention his thyroid med and the various supplements..his meds run over 200.00/month
for Shauna: medicine for her Soriatic arthritis, which makes her deathly ill for a couple of day not not to mention her meds to help things level for her...150.00/month
my meds:compared to thiers almost non existing..until you get my battery of bloodpressure meds and beta blockers to try and keep me from having a another stroke ( I have actually had two)...but there are months I go without so Shauna and Grayson can have what they need to live a normal life, We all know that with technology many of these meds can be made much cheaper however some of the biggest lobbyist out there push push and push to get the favoritism (i.e.dinners, good company, etc).
I mean it is because of this that when I order my son's asthma med I have two options. Get the one that when he uses it will exacerbate the adhd and bounce him off the walls for hours. the other option is a sister drug that shows to have less effect of that sort. This is the sore spot...the one that really messes him up is super cheap, but I am going to pay more so I can use the one that will work less adverse to him, because the drug companies hold my insurance hostage.
Here's the rub..many many many many of the drugs out nowadays could be made readily available for everyone..not just the few . Except the drug companies scream "what about us"...they have the money for research, its the kings in the tops of those ivory towers who are throwing banquets and sending money off-shore, and taking decadent vacations is what is driving the price. I don't like to wish ill on people but if only one of them had to go thru the struggle to pay some meds and put off others so your family could survive things would change.
And people are wondering why American citizens are going to Europe, Canada, and Mexico for meds...this is why. So not to pay out too much, why do our citizens need to leave to do this? When the same prices and availability should be there. We are going to advertise this country as to how advanced and ahead of it all we are...lets live up to it! DO IT, DO IT NOW
Fix this! Fix it at home! Fix it now!
for my son:beteween his ADHD med, Mood Leveler, and anti Tic med, not to mention his thyroid med and the various supplements..his meds run over 200.00/month
for Shauna: medicine for her Soriatic arthritis, which makes her deathly ill for a couple of day not not to mention her meds to help things level for her...150.00/month
my meds:compared to thiers almost non existing..until you get my battery of bloodpressure meds and beta blockers to try and keep me from having a another stroke ( I have actually had two)...but there are months I go without so Shauna and Grayson can have what they need to live a normal life, We all know that with technology many of these meds can be made much cheaper however some of the biggest lobbyist out there push push and push to get the favoritism (i.e.dinners, good company, etc).
I mean it is because of this that when I order my son's asthma med I have two options. Get the one that when he uses it will exacerbate the adhd and bounce him off the walls for hours. the other option is a sister drug that shows to have less effect of that sort. This is the sore spot...the one that really messes him up is super cheap, but I am going to pay more so I can use the one that will work less adverse to him, because the drug companies hold my insurance hostage.
Here's the rub..many many many many of the drugs out nowadays could be made readily available for everyone..not just the few . Except the drug companies scream "what about us"...they have the money for research, its the kings in the tops of those ivory towers who are throwing banquets and sending money off-shore, and taking decadent vacations is what is driving the price. I don't like to wish ill on people but if only one of them had to go thru the struggle to pay some meds and put off others so your family could survive things would change.
And people are wondering why American citizens are going to Europe, Canada, and Mexico for meds...this is why. So not to pay out too much, why do our citizens need to leave to do this? When the same prices and availability should be there. We are going to advertise this country as to how advanced and ahead of it all we are...lets live up to it! DO IT, DO IT NOW
Fix this! Fix it at home! Fix it now!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
That Still Small Voice
When my son comes to me and wonders because he has seen atrocities on the History Channel and I explain that yes the world does have truly people like this out there. "I don't get it daddy, what did those people in those camps do to him". Having to explain how some people abuse their power and destroy people for personal, unbalanced reasons is hard. Explaining that they thought these people were lesser people because they were different, or fell outside their feelings of what was the norm, when they were just people is all.
I explained this was a horrible tragedy over 60 years ago. He asked if stuff like still happens. ...I will not lie and explained that yes..I explained Sarajevo, Bosnia, Somalia, Kenya,etc....it tore my heart to have me be the one to explain these things and watch just a small sparkle in his eyes grow a little dimmer..
Sometimes I wish that everyone could see the world through the eyes of a child. Children are not born hating. This is a lesson that is taught by the world, a lesson that too many of us learn all to well. I have always found it odd that one person can look at another and make up their mind as to who this person is and what kind of person they are by just the color of their skin, the accent they speak with, the clothes that they wear, to me this is the epitome of stupidity.
I explained to my son there are beautiful things in this world and if things upset you listen to that still small voice, and find the good that you can do to make it better. Everyone you meet you affect..good or bad...long or short..remember that you should appreciate the good you can do AND THAT YOU CAN CREATE A BETTER PLACE.
I explained this was a horrible tragedy over 60 years ago. He asked if stuff like still happens. ...I will not lie and explained that yes..I explained Sarajevo, Bosnia, Somalia, Kenya,etc....it tore my heart to have me be the one to explain these things and watch just a small sparkle in his eyes grow a little dimmer..
Sometimes I wish that everyone could see the world through the eyes of a child. Children are not born hating. This is a lesson that is taught by the world, a lesson that too many of us learn all to well. I have always found it odd that one person can look at another and make up their mind as to who this person is and what kind of person they are by just the color of their skin, the accent they speak with, the clothes that they wear, to me this is the epitome of stupidity.
I explained to my son there are beautiful things in this world and if things upset you listen to that still small voice, and find the good that you can do to make it better. Everyone you meet you affect..good or bad...long or short..remember that you should appreciate the good you can do AND THAT YOU CAN CREATE A BETTER PLACE.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Man's cruelty to man
I've learned a few things over the years. No matter how good you are there will ALWAYS be someone better. No matter how smart, someone smarter. So when I listen to those people who tell you exactly how it is going to be and close themselves off to anything new I shake my head.
People can be cruel, ignorant, bigoted, close minded, and down right mean. However people can be loving, intelligent, accepting, open to new things, and willing to help. The ability to love and care is what sets us above other creatures, as does the ability to hate and be cruel. Mark Twain said. "Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it"- excerpt "The Lowest Animal.
I grew up an in area of Texas that catered to those of us that lived on fringe, the musicians, the punks, etc. yet even there we had those that would beat you to within an inch of you life simply because you were of a different color, dated someone of a different color, or associated with someone of a different color. This was man's cruelty to man for no other reason than they weren't the same. I spent years trying to teach people that was not the way to think of others. Why is it OK to be cruel just because someone is different? the answer: IT'S NOT.
Many of you have read my letter to my son. He has many friends but their are those when they are just with him they are his best friend. However, some other people come around and he is anathema. I know it bothers him...but he just looks at me and says "I understand Dad it's peer pressure and some kids can't stand up to it, but they will come back around and be my friend later again."
I was proud of this insight..one thing I have tried to instill in him is to be your own person. Don't waste time waiting for others to say " oh wow that's cool", only worry about it if you can say that to yourself and you know you are doing the right thing. Doing that and being your own person will take you farther into this life than anything else.
People can be cruel, ignorant, bigoted, close minded, and down right mean. However people can be loving, intelligent, accepting, open to new things, and willing to help. The ability to love and care is what sets us above other creatures, as does the ability to hate and be cruel. Mark Twain said. "Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it"- excerpt "The Lowest Animal.
I grew up an in area of Texas that catered to those of us that lived on fringe, the musicians, the punks, etc. yet even there we had those that would beat you to within an inch of you life simply because you were of a different color, dated someone of a different color, or associated with someone of a different color. This was man's cruelty to man for no other reason than they weren't the same. I spent years trying to teach people that was not the way to think of others. Why is it OK to be cruel just because someone is different? the answer: IT'S NOT.
Many of you have read my letter to my son. He has many friends but their are those when they are just with him they are his best friend. However, some other people come around and he is anathema. I know it bothers him...but he just looks at me and says "I understand Dad it's peer pressure and some kids can't stand up to it, but they will come back around and be my friend later again."
I was proud of this insight..one thing I have tried to instill in him is to be your own person. Don't waste time waiting for others to say " oh wow that's cool", only worry about it if you can say that to yourself and you know you are doing the right thing. Doing that and being your own person will take you farther into this life than anything else.
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