I drove to work today like any other, today I was listening to the news on NPR. Some days I listen to music some days not, today though was the fateful. Today I listened to the story of a murder trial in Tennessee, this is the breakdown: The defendant murdered his wife after he had been drinking..the crime was horrific, so bad that veteran police officers and the d.a. made comment that in all their years they had never seen so much blood and violence at a scene. The defendant, Bradley Waldroup, had been drinking and got upset when his wife stated that she was going to go out with a friend. At this point he told his children to say good-bye to their mother and (at this point I will save you the grisly details) killed his wife's friend and attempted to kill her. The District Attorney went after what he thought was an open and shut case, they had all the evidence, they had the perp, he confessed, and never reneged on that confession. Here is where it gets convoluted. The defense attorney brings in experts that show that Waldroup suffers from the bad "Warrior" gene, MAO-A. This is a gene that is believed to cause explosive and violent outburst in males. They argued that he was not liable because as he had been drinking and suffered from this MAO-A imbalance he was not able to control his actions, arguing that due this imbalance and his upbringing that his chances for this type of violence was increased by 400 times. Needless to say the jury came back and found him guilty---of voluntary manslaughter, and attempted second degree murder, not the first degree murder the d.a. was going for. What does this mean? Instead of the possibility of life in prison or the death penalty he received 32 years (which with parole will be less if granted). The judge did tell Waldroup to think twice about appeals because if this went back to court that there would be a good chance that another jury may come back with something much worse.
Why am I writing about this? Because of what I call the blame game. No one likes to take blame for their actions. Don't admit you did it, it's not your fault, my parent's were mean, I didn't get a pony...blah blah blah. Things like this case will open a floodgate...kill someone because you were stoned or drunk and hit them with your car..it's not your fault because you have a genetic predisposition for substance abuse and should not be held responsible. Set the place on fire and burn down your apartment building...not your fault they should have known to make sure in your entire life you never got your hands on anything that creates flame since your great-great-great-great-great grandfather was an arsonist for the Bolsheviks. I am so tired of hearing this. Tired of the celebrities excusing their larcenous behavior by making a public apology and saying they will go to the latest outpatient rehab center with a revolving door and mini bar. Grow up, suck it up, and take responsibility for your actions. Get sober and do what you're supposed to.
When I was growing up I was always told by my dad to admit when I did something wrong. do something wrong and then you better expect to accept the consequences. I will admit right here and now...I am not perfect..far from it. I get mad, I lose my temper with my son, with my family members, with my friends...just like anyone else in this world. Newsflash folks: Mary Poppins is fictional...spoonful of sugar just gives you cavities, and you will have bad days.
People are going to say why am I being so hard on these celebs that apologize and go in for this rehab or that treatment center. OK here it is ..going to lay it all out..they go, they get clean to show up in front of the judge, act all penitent and then go out and celebrate with a 3 week binge of booze, drugs and anything else to make their "hard lives" temporarily better. Now let me tell you about me..I am 41...been to rehab twice, been working hard for the last 21 years to be clean.... And it is not easy...I've lost friends, I've stumbled, I've hurt people...but I live my life and I realize that tomorrow I will have to face these people. So I keep my demons in check I do what I need to. I have not been perfect all these years but I take it one day by one day by one day, I make mistakes, but I admit to them and I stay sober. But not once have I said oh well I have the gene that makes it easier for me to be addicted and say oh well, no need to try and just give in. I could do that, but if I do I'm dead. I could go out and hurt people and say it's not my fault and blame someone.
It is for this same reason that even with the problems Grayson has I still want him to go back and apologize or make it right when he does something wrong. I refuse to let my son grow up thinking that it is ok to let someone else take the blame if he makes a mistake. I know this may sound harsh to some people but I do this because I care for and love my son. If i didn't then I would let him do what he wants regardless of the consequences. One day he will understand this and hopefully he will love me for it, just like I understand where my dad was coming from and that he loved me. He never gave up on me when I was using and because of his and my mom's help I got clean. Maybe if our society spent a little more time being responsible and play a lot less of the Blame Game things could be just a little better.
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